Pretty Packages Decorated with Teardrops

“Would you like to live where you can’t hear everything your neighbors are saying?”

There were some 5-acre lots north of the city for sale.

My wife said, “no way I want to be around people.”

I wanted to buy a house, or have a house, close to where she was getting medical treatment. I bought a house where there were neighbors. She liked that. She had neighbors she could talk to, and laugh with, until death finally took her.

As some neighborhoods do, this one turned over. My house is the only one on the street with the same owner. Me.

Except for one family, we all migrate to other areas in the summer, only to return here for the winter.

This year is different. It is close to Christmas and the street is like summertime for various reasons. Only two of us are here.

Houses all around me are vacant. Owners are still at their summer homes.

There are no neighbors to say hello to when I step out of the house or meet walking on the street.

This is a period of aloneness.

It is not as intense as it has been in the past.

I have friends. I have plans.

It is not so with many others.

This can be a period of crisis, of grief re-emergence.

After my wife died, the loneliness would throw me into a deep pit. The emotional pain was unbearable. The pit seemed to have no exit.

I think the pain from the loss of a loved one is the most horrible pain there is. I think it supersedes torture, physical pain. There is despair and desolation. There is darkness. There is overwhelming physical pain accompanying loss. The critical episodes have consequences, such as weakness, despondency and inertia.

This is where self-defeating behaviors become so tempting. Do them, dull the pain, if only for a little while, may be your thoughts.

Suicide. End it all. There is no relief, no purpose. These thoughts may also lay in your mind.

This time of year, the depth of loss is renewed. Some find it overwhelming. Christmas is a time of joy, of birth, of rebirth. Not for those in the pit of loss.

Suicide can become an overwhelming temptation.

It is NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO. To end one’s life by suicide is a selfish act, not worthy of who is gone. Should grief become overwhelming, help is needed and available at phone number 988. Call the number to talk with a caring person.

I know certain things. I know what is RIGHT:

The deepest, darkest pit is a measure of the love of the one we lost. We couldn’t have this much despair without that mountain of love.

I (we) have climbed out of the pit in the past. We can do it again. The deep pit can be scaled. There is light at the top. There are handholds and toeholds.

Grieving needs to be experienced, the pain endured.

Grief buried will not resolve. It will surface in physical, mental or emotional dysfunction.

Grief has no timeline. It has its own.

The pain will ease in time.

We will not forget our loved ones.They will forever be in our lives.

I don’t know what my purpose is. Those in the dark pit certainly don’t know, and at that time are not capable of knowing. I believe my purpose will emerge.

It is important to let life happen. Forcing outcomes that we might want, generally, are not good outcomes.

We don’t always know exactly what we do want, that which may become clear with time.

At this time of year, with festivities and gift buying and promises of fulfillment and happiness, it can escalate the reality of loss.

One of our purposes may be to offer handholds and footholds to those in darkness.

It may not be in the form of presents with pretty bows. It most likely will be:

LISTENING. Hearing the pain, hearing about the past.

Showing our love and kindness.

Let me know how you are doing. I care.

Consideration: Can birth and rebirth emerge in our lives at this time of loss?

Sincerely,

Lynn Brooke

© 2023 Our New Chances

Photo Credit: © 2023 Rachel Gareau