Love of a Woman

What is so special about a Lesbian relationship (or GBTQIA+) that evades description besides the physical attraction and the feeling of belonging? The physical warmth of a woman?

We start our day similar to Hetero relationships:

• Morning cleanup

• Dressing

• Breakfast

• Hug our other

• Off to work or activities for the day

• Sometimes care for our children

Evening follows the same routine.

One of the differences I’ve noticed is “The Housewife Syndrome” in the Hetero couples. It doesn’t matter who is smarter or more capable.

She defers to him.

Inherent male superiority.

What he wants, what he thinks, what his needs are define what he does, which is oftentimes whatever he wants, whether it is good for his family or not.

He just assumes this authority as his right. She defers to all. At her expense.

Sometimes this is to the point of total dependence. She doesn’t drive. She has no concept of the finances, such as what funds and bills exist or how to manage them. 

His behavior is praised, even if not praiseworthy. Whatever mistakes he makes are excused and he is not held accountable. She bails him out.

Then there is the conspiracy of How the “Little Woman” gets around the “Big Man” by trickery. She tricks him into thinking he thought of what she wants all by himself, then praises him for his foresight.

My view is very jaded. All relationships may not be like this.

I see these scenarios in my Hetero friends. It is their right and they are content. They have a husband. They have met their social obligation. It is right for them.

I have observed this role-playing in some of the Lesbian couples I have known. Perhaps roles observed growing up and reinforced by society? It works for them. Good. It’s their right.

Mainly what I have observed in the most content of Lesbian couples is:

• Equality

• Belonging - it is right.

And most important:

• Respect for each other, for individuality

• Respect for individual opinions

• Encouragement for advancement and praise for accomplishments

• Resolution of arguments.

This may paint a picture of Utopia, but it is real. It is the love of a good woman.

Then the good woman dies, as mine did after 50 years of togetherness. It left me devastated. I had no way to deal with the grief of her loss.

We had discussed everything together; solved problems. She was no longer there to bounce things off of and find resolutions. I could only hurt. Emotional pain is devastating. 

There was a period of illness before her death, a 10-year progression of illness. Perhaps this was a benefit, if such an experience of decline could ever be perceived as positive. It did give me incremental preparation for her absence, by death.

Eighteen months after her death, the pain is less. It jumps me periodically. Unexpected events trigger grief. There is no way to deal with it, but to experience it, feel the pain and know it is a measure of my love.

The similarity I have observed between the losses of Hetero husbands/wives and myself is that we have lost a loved one. We grieve. We hurt. We can share the reality of this hurt. We can provide solace to each other.

I have been fortunate to find these friends, who understand each other’s hurt. There is no separation between Lesbians and Heterosexuals and grief.

We are equal.

Let me know how you are doing. I care.

Contemplation: How different are we underneath the skin?

Sincerely,

Lynn Brooke

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Photo Credit: © 2024 Rachel Gareau