Sharing Memories and Joy

It’s been so long since I’ve shared. It sounds pitiful. But what a good feeling comes of it when you are able to.

There were so many shared moments with my wife, too many to remember all at once, but the memories come back, and they are bittersweet:

Refusing to walk on ice 4 inches thick because it was clear all the way through and she could see the bottom

Bringing home a string of fish she had traded for a six pack

The joy of our first dog

Her love of the mountains and her pleasure when we traveled into them

Her excitement with our RV and the air horn

Now I have different episodes of sharing:

A wonderful dinner with friends and new friends, who accepted me, and “adopted” me

A new install floor with the neighbor who helped me select it

The completion of the garden bed move with the handyman

Stories of fishing with the man delivering new furniture

Stories of dog escapades with friends

Teasing friends, who, inadvertently say things that can be misinterpreted and turned racy

A friend who shared a trick her daughter had played on her

I no longer have my love, who shared the sunrise. Who shared my bed, Who shared our love. Who shared, even though I couldn’t tell her

How fortunate I have been to have had her for over 50 years. She brought me joy when I had desolation. She brought me calm when I was pitching a temper tantrum. She brought me courage when I was afraid. She brought me knowledge in business ventures and dealing with people.

We couldn’t share a great deal over the last 10 years of her life. Her dementia left her in a vacuum, yet she shared her appreciation to me and others when we did anything for her.

In the past I have not been able to share. I readily shared things, but was very stingy with sharing emotion. I had worked long and hard in my early years to be protective of my emotions. To protect myself from hurt and ridicule. Old lessons are hard to relearn.

How I adored my wife and couldn’t tell her. How I loved her and couldn’t tell her. She knew.

What I have missed all these years. How selfish. I am working hard now in my attempts to re-enter life, to share emotion. It is one of my Pots of Promise, yet to fully grow.

I am fortunate to have friends who go out of their way to keep track of me, and to text, and to call. To share some of their joy when a good thing happens to them.

I can’t imagine sitting in my chair now and shutting out the world. Things may bring pleasure, but sharing these things brings joy.

I hope you have had occasions lately to share; if not, share an adventure with me, or a pleasant memory you have had. I care.

Contemplation: The joy of sharing continues even after loss.

Sincerely,

Lynn Brooke

© 2023 Our New Chances

Photo Credit: © 2023 Rachel Gareau