Our Heart's Value

What is our value in terms of organic material? It is about $4-5. That is if anyone wanted to purchase the chemical components of one of us. There are big ticket items. If Google can be believed, a heart can sell from $500 up to $1,000,000, not legally in the United States, but legally in one foreign country. Selling “parts” is a big business. Eleven countries are noted for organ trafficking on the Black Market. Victims are hijacked where their parts get stolen and sold to the highest bidder. Unfortunately, the recipients are frequently those in the United States.

I think our real value lies in our interactions with others, who and what we are inside, and with whom we are in contact.

Other terms I would associate with ourselves would be ego, character, purpose and belief.

Terms I would associate with others’ value of us would be a tool, a target, an employee, a friend and/or family.

Many other factors affect value, such as sexual orientation, talent, scarcity, possessions, education and race, among others. Books have been written on values too extensive to wrap my head around here.

Growing up and during my working years, I placed value on things I could and did do. Accomplishments. Task orientation. I didn’t cherish personal interactions and left friends behind. I didn’t share my emotions. One person I knew had friends from grade school, along with those she continued to accumulate throughout her life. I didn’t understand how she did that. Mine were of the present moment. 

My wife and I made friends. Many of them were also of the moment. One group made the comment, “So what are we? Your summertime friends?” It was true. When winter came, there was a different set. Their summertime value was in playing and interacting in outdoor ventures and vice versa. It was a lot of fun, but it was a red flag that was missed. Their friendships were fun, but not everlasting, as was this above-mentioned wife.

When my wife of many years passed away, a friend of hers came and stayed with me for a few weeks. We grieved together. Our values were equal. We both adored my wife and valued her beyond words.

This friend visited me again about a year later. She started making decisions for me. She wanted me to be different than I am, and wouldn’t accept the fact I could not be any different. I took offense at her intrusiveness. She took offense that I didn’t recognize her superiority, that she knew what was best for me.

I not so graciously pointed out that she was using me to boost her ego. Her belief in herself was based on how much and how many scores she could add up in helping others, whether they needed that help, or if the help was crippling them.

There are tons of others like that. There are laws passed to ensure the powerful can be in control, that what they believe and want, gets enforced. Their value system is to have power.

This inequality is played out. If we want a job, we must perform and do it within the rules of the organization or the employer.

Some relationships are based on “What can you do for me?” Others are based on the value of shared respect and worth.

If we want a friend, it is the same. Do we have shared values? Do we want what is best for each other?

I am so fortunate. I had a wife that valued me for the many years of our togetherness. I have no idea how she got through my defenses. She was just good at whatever she chose to do. She harangued me all of our years together, but her behavior told the story that whatever I wanted, she ensured I got it. Behavior tells.

Now I have friends I do not want to leave behind. What I did and accomplished in my earlier years is “Yesterday’s News.” It is no longer important. What can I do to ensure the worth of these new friends? Part of that is up to them. I can only offer my appreciation of them and hope it is returned.

With the passing of my wife, I was knocked down to nothingness. She was my reason for being. I had no positive emotion, just despair and emptiness. No value.

In re-entering life, I’ve had to confront my worth, my value. Am I even able to open the hard doors? Do I have the capability?

I am cognizant that most of what I am today is the result of the qualities that emanated from my wife. She had confidence that I could do whatever I set out to do. She told me so and I believed her.

Her courage in confronting day-to-day challenges was Herculean. She wasn’t afraid of personal confrontations, shyster shenanigans or bogus rules. She took them on confidently.

My courage now hovers in a gray area. Having a major loss can dump confidence in a hurry. I tend to retreat, to avoid tough situations.

I can only keep searching, hoping that courage will emerge. I hope that she passed some of hers along when she passed away.

Will this courage enhance my worth? My value? What I now perceive within myself is the true value, that I believe and behave in such a manner as to honor her and myself.

I am not leaving my true friends behind this time. I will sit by them when they are dying.

If my heart gets stolen, I want it to be the emotional one. The physical one keeps me going with a pacemaker and wouldn’t be worth the dollars charged to own it.

Let me know how you are doing. I care. Know you are not alone and that you have value. 

Contemplation: Do our basic values emerge with age and experience?

Sincerely,

Lynn Brooke

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Photo Credit: © 2024 Rachel Gareau