No Safety Net

My friend has a daughter who is in an abusive relationship. She hasn’t contacted me in a while, and I’ve been too busy to contact her. What kind of friend is that?

What I do have is compassion for both of them. The fallout from abuse is lifelong, whether away from the abusive situation or not. And if the daughter was subject to abuse, early on or not, she was a target. I suspect there was a deficit earlier in her life, someway or other. This is not blaming the victim, it’s just acknowledging reality.

One of the earliest building blocks of development is the establishment of trust, learned from the parents. They are there to love and protect. The baby and infant learn they are protected. They have all their needs met. They trust.

… Unless there is abuse, either physical and/or emotional. Physical doesn’t occur without emotional consequences and emotional can occur without physical.

The child grows, always defensive, learns to deflect, to bury the barbs of abuse.

The flow of “Chi” is interrupted. Channels are narrowed, even blocked.

There is congestion of the soul.

I see the fallout from this as astronomical and lifelong.

Coming from an abusive family I understand this, I have experienced this. I know the consequences.

Protective barriers that are usually learned early in life are either lacking or too extreme and rigid. There are no boundaries. 

Hurts are buried deep. The longing for solace is overwhelming.

We are targets. Charlatans spot us, then promise love and caring. They plant bait for a trap, only to perpetuate the abuse.

We are the broken people going through the motions of living. Some of us gear up, become productive, bury the damage, grabbing onto any little shred of hope floating by. We are the skeletal remains minus the physical covers. We are the survivors. 

Others succumb.

The relief of self-defeating behaviors is understandable. Some escape through drugs and alcohol, overeating, buying the store out, sexual hopping and more, just for a moment of relief. But the congestion is still there. There is not enough Guaifenesin (cough medication) in the world to suppress the “cough.” The dark place lurks.

Perhaps those of us with these remnants of abuse are hit the hardest by loss. We have not constructed a safety net, didn’t have it stretched across at an early age. The safety net that somehow protects us when we fall. So I see us as being susceptible to dropping into an extremely dark pit, a bottomless pit. The loss of a loved one pulls out all the stops.

Some never climb out.

I see others, I see myself, climbing out. It is not an easy climb. Perhaps lessons we learned from our loved ones help us. 

Some of us have been salvaged at some point in our lives by love. Someone found us, loved us, accepted the congestion and our inability to clear it out. I am one of those.

My wife gave me some building blocks I didn’t have before. Lessons in courage, lessons in never giving up, lessons in asking for help and lessons in reading the world.

Other lessons and conditions helped me. Lessons learned from life, self-determination, true friends or maybe a dog, all providing additional handholds or room for a toe purchase.

I am one of the fortunate ones. I will love again.

Let me know how you are doing. I care.

Contemplation: Do you need Guaifenesin (Mucinex) and where will it come from?

Sincerely,

Lynn Brooke

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