Lines in the Sand

. Period. (.) The end. Termination of a sentence, a life, a relationship, patience. An announcement of infinity.

This tiny mark, a period, can end a thing and provide a void on its other side. A void that can be filled in, in interminable ways. It could signal a new descriptive sentence, a new meal or a new relationship.

A period is a mark on a paper depicting a concept, yet providing a format for behavior. It’s hard to get a new life when one is over. The period provides freedom.

It is the same with a line. A line can provide a boundary, a physical boundary, and define property or a theoretical concept. It can depict or establish behavior. Individuals develop lines, usually early in childhood, as taught or evidenced by their parents. In gaining maturity, these lines have to be tested, to see if they fit the individual.

When lines have not been established early in life, individuals are adrift. When moral standards have been violated, or disrespected of codes and laws, individuals do not develop and have no lines. They are free to do whatever pleases them, irrespective of others.

The lines and periods define one’s moral compass. Some adhere strictly and rigidly to the lines and periods they have adopted. At times at personal anguish. What they want may be against their standards. To violate the standard, would undermine the worth of the individual. It would diminish them.

During the past political era, individuals described being drawn in, little-by-little to an undermining of their integrity, until they found themselves accepting and supporting what can only be described as evil behavior. Some are now ashamed of what they did. Unfortunately, most continue to lie to themselves that their behavior is and was right.

Growing up as a lesbian in a non-accepting world created a similar circumstance. Laws and codes and vows were established for this other universe. It was “sinful" to love a woman. I was breaking the law to have sex with her. To love a woman meant I had to disregard the established laws and codes, and vows. I had to establish my own. This was hardly a condition to develop rigid lines and periods. I suspect as a consequence, I have circumstantial code. What “feels right,” what doesn’t hurt others involved? “When it is right, you will know it.”

I have a disdain for formal marriage. Even though I was in a relationship for 50 years with no legal authority or vows, I honored my commitment and did not stray (even though opportunities presented). There were wavy lines in other situations and times, however. Not perfect.

The legal origins of marriage were for men to own women. The vows were further developed to ensure subservience and obedience. Sex and servitude were guaranteed for the owner. Consummation was the sex act by power.

Marriage provided a grand marketing scheme. Women were brainwashed to buy into the perfect wedding day. Into being the perfect wife. It was her duty to be subservient. Her wants were secondary. What resulted was a formalized system of domestic abuse, not recognized for what it was. Who brings in the money has control. Who has the job has control. It is her reward for her lifelong dream, having a husband. 

Thousands and millions of dollars are spent in this one five-minute ceremony. Many vows continue to ensure ownership. And sexual behavior with or without ceremony is a gauge that reflects behavioral dots and lines. It can be an indication of what behavioral lines and dots define an individual. 

An alternative is a rejection of the charade (which defines my belief) of laws and vows entered into without commitment. An option is the sacred vow to each other, of equal love and respect. Another is (and inclusive), behavioral. When I give myself sexually to another, and am receptive to her loving, I make a commitment to her, as she does to me, consummation and commitment by mutual agreement.

The other day a friend laughingly referred to maintenance sex, that she had needs at one time and met them. It was maintenance sex and maintenance sex is just that. The body functions more efficiently if all parts are in tune. Turning off one faucet affects the whole.

In the far distant past, I have participated. Probably more like friends with benefits, but on a very limited basis, and not commitment sex. We were friends and respected each other, and remained friends; both benefited. What it wasn’t, was commitment sex, the vow of love and respect and giving of one’s life to another: to honor and cherish.

Circumstantial standards.

We Lesbians and LGBTQIA+ have eased and barged into the mainstream universe. We are accepted by many, and still abhorred by perhaps an equal number. We are often misperceived as monsters who seduce and violate children. We are targets for political purposes. Does this mean we can retaliate, disregard their rules and laws?

I revert back to my circumstantial adherence of codes and laws and vows. When I give my life and love to another, I expect it to be returned. We are equal. When I obtain a debt, I will pay it off. When I enter into a friendship I will share my love. When I enter a store I will pay for merchandise. However, I will not turn the other cheek when violated.

My moral compass may waiver and have a wavy line, but it is there. Somewhere.

Contemplation: Are the periods in your life providing opportunities? How wavy is your line?

Let me know how you are doing. I care.

Sincerely,

Lynn Brooke

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Photo Credit: © Rachel Gareau