Letting Life Happen. Grief is a Part of It.

Way back when, I was privileged to work with students in a speciality program. These students were select, brilliant young women.

I became friends with a few of them, after they left my division. They knew I was Lez, even though I didn’t inform them or make any reference to such.

One asked what I would have liked to have happened in my life. (I think she expected me to say hetero). I told her all I really wanted was to be treated as normal, not different or a curiosity.

What a laugh? I had spent my entire life being different and pretending I wasn’t. I taught myself not to show emotion, to stay away from groups and to persistently achieve goals I had set up for myself.

What I had missed was my uniqueness, my brain's ability to see alternatives, to create where nothing was there, to find solutions to roadblocks, to initiate, to ignore pettiness and to take action when action was needed. These were mainly mental activities, which I could achieve out of the crowd and limelight.

Forward to another when: in business. Creativity is golden. Unique materials are prime targets for theft. This happened often. My creations would be “borrowed.” I would become angry, enraged. My wife would laugh. She said “how successful do you think that person or group is going to be if the only way they can operate is to steal your stuff? We have you. What you will replace from this theft will be far superior. They did us a favor.”

My wife was as creative as I, in a different field. I had her. Together, we were successful.

Now she is gone and I am trying to re-enter life without her. I flourished on her confidence. How can my Pot of Promise bloom? I don't want to say she was full of that brown stuff, but her confidence was fodder that stoked me and made me grow.

The qualities she saw and the confidence she had in me is hard to capture on paper. I can list guidelines others have identified. Will this assist me in re-entering life? I don’t know. Will it assist you?

One is to let life happen. She encouraged me to:

1. Read cues.

2. Act and react.

3. Pay attention to hunches and subconscious nudges.

4. Start only what you can finish.

5. Finish what you have started, if it is right.

6. Let things go.

7. Hang onto my creativity. Everyone has their own unique attributes. Let them bloom.

She was adamant it was important not to:

1. Force square pegs into a round hole.

2. Become obsessed with a losing situation.

3. Be afraid to admit mistakes.

4. Be afraid to ask for help.

5. Lose confidence in myself.

6. Self-sabotage.

7. Shut others out.

Along the way, wise people shared their guidelines. Will these help to re-enter life?

If problems are persistent and unsolvable, you are not addressing the real problem.

Go back and identify the underlying issue, which is the real problem.

Identify what you really want. If you really want something, you will find a way to get it.

Good will come to you, however it may not look like you expected. Let it in. Accept it.

When it is right, you will know it. Go with it.

If what you want starts to happen, it will continue like a wheel traveling downhill. Let it happen, let it gain momentum.

Are these additional Pots of Promise? Am I really going to find a way to re-enter life? Will it be what I had expected or anticipated? I am still that square peg.

Back then, did I really want to be thought of as “not different?” My wife accepted me as I was. What would have happened if she had insisted I fit into a round hole, along with everyone else?

I would not have had the opportunity to share my thoughts and experiences with you or to acknowledge we have many similarities. When we are cut, we bleed, just like everyone else. When we have loss, we suffer pain.

We must let it happen. We must let life happen, even when it is hard. Grief is part of life. Platitudes and guidelines often get buried in the dust while we grieve. We have to dig out and go on. I try to and so should you.

Let me know how you are doing. I care.

Contemplation: Will good twists and turns of life happen if you let it?

Sincerely,

Lynn Brooke

© 2023 Our New Chances

Photo Credit: © 2023 Rachel Gareau