Finding Purpose

Life lesson: We need to be needed. We need to have purpose.

I have a grief partner, otherwise known as my GP, whose husband died about the same time as my loved one. We have traveled a similar path to re-enter life and I am very fortunate to have her.

She, myself and another friend met for lunch today. My GP expressed concern several times that our mutual friend seemed to be losing ground. She just wasn’t her usual vibrant self.

Our mutual friend lives in an independent living facility. She said there are plenty of activities available, such as exercise classes, card games, art projects and outside entertainment. She just doesn’t have the interest anymore or she doesn’t feel like getting out of her unit, which is very nice, to do any of these things.

My GP shared she had experienced a similar reaction last summer when she stayed in a vacation rental. Everything was provided and there were many activities. She said that after a while the sameness became very wearing. She just wanted to stay in her chair at times.

Back in her own home my GP has made an effort to pick up our mutual friend and take her places. She is a very kind person. She patiently coaxed information and feelings from our friend and I can feel the love she has for her.

My GP keeps a busy life aside from helping our mutual friend. I was privileged to experience this interaction today. It enriched my life.

I can’t help but surmise what is occurring here is purpose, and lack of purpose. With purpose there is a reason for being. One is needed. How wonderful it is to be needed. Without it, there is a void in our lives. To fill that void, we see self-destructive behaviors. I have talked about these before, but as a reminder, we see drinking in excess, eating in excess, sexual promiscuity, shopping, overbearing speech and making demands in others. I tried not to do those things, but I wonder sometimes what purpose I have.

How can one find purpose when there doesn’t seem to be any reason to find any. Some living arrangements provide nearly everything. What reason is there to exert oneself? One woman that I know found purpose in a similar situation. A woman at her dining table had difficulty with arthritis, arthritic hands. This woman would cut up her food for her. Open her straw and, at times, hold a glass or cup until it becomes light enough to easily handle. She sought out a volunteer position at the gift shop and was excited for this responsibility every week.

While we all cannot do what this kind woman did, perhaps we can look around and see if someone needs a hand up. There is a wonderful enrichment when an individual interacts with another. There is a creeping loneliness when one is alone for too long. I can feel it creeping up on me. I must find purpose.

Is there a facility near you, or a neighbor who doesn’t get out? Will you find purpose in visiting?

I have a purpose with you. I share hard moments. I share ups-and-downs. I hope you feel you are not alone in your grief and sorrow. I want you to discover, along with me, that we can re-enter life. We have a goal. We have a purpose. Sometimes we have to search for a purpose. Sometimes it is just next door. We can add water to our pots of promise.

Let me know how you are doing. I care.

Sincerely,

Lynn Brooke

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Photo Credit: © 2023 Rachel Gareau